Dating

Want to know why you can’t find the one?

Do you ever feel:

• No one is quite right for you

• You attract the wrong people

• When you do find someone you aren’t satisfied

• There something wrong with you; your looks, personality etc

You may or may not have noticed that these feelings cause your behaviours to look like:

• Being in judgement

• Being closed off and in your own head

• Desperately searching for more people to meet and attract

I am afraid to say, there is nothing attractive about any of these behaviours, in fact you are highly unapproachable and often undesirable when you are letting these feelings drive you.

‘How the hell do I change, when this is how I FEEL and EVIDENCE proves me right???’

Alright, first point- notice these reasons for struggle have nothing to do with the way you look or how interesting/funny you are.

Now, acknowledge that without your Over-thinker and Hyper-achiever, these thoughts are likely to diminish, if not vanish. This is because these feelings are powered by fear and encouraged by your saboteurs.

So…. What we need to do is overcome those saboteurs.

Might seem like a SCHLEP but I’d like to give you a Lil Story that proves how effective it is, to motivate you.

What I realised was that my most attractive self, the one that brought the right kind of people towards me was one that moved freely from my saboteurs. When I managed to clear my mind of the hyper-achiever telling me no one is good enough and the over-thinker blaming everything on me, I was confidently myself. It is pretty obvious to most, that the confident self is the most attractive self but what is less obvious is how to find that. And that’s what this shone light on…. We need to overcome our over-thinkers and Hyper-achievers.

Let’s look at how I did this-

• Calling my mum and letting the feelings happen, crying, such an underestimated technique, that A)releases physical tension, and B)gives validation to your feelings. - as we know, letting feelings come out is the easiest way to get over them.

• Killin em with kindness - I let my mum comfort me and I gave myself the afternoon of gentle self care and empathy - cuddling a screaming child is the only way to get them to stop.

• Setting new intentions/shifting focus - once my emotions weren’t running the show anymore, I changed my tac and set my focus onto something outside of what the saboteurs were calling me to. I wrote down some sentences of intention and kept repeating them to myself throughout the evening- this one is a game changer (see below)  

Lil Moment- I often find that when I am on a date or in a scenario where I am hoping to attract another, I don’t have time to do a long meditation or technique. So here is a super short Lil Moment that you can use, you can write down the affirmations on your phone to whip out under the table. I even like to whisper them out loud to myself in the loo!

Please tell me some of your stories or how your saboteurs show up when dating..