It is so hard to ‘JUST BE’

We all aspire to BE present, to BE in the moment and to BE mindful.

Though most of us find it extremely difficult to JUST BE, thanks to our Over-thinkers spiralling and our Hyper-achievers reminding us of all the stuff we ought to be doing. We often hear about the power of Mindfulness, or ‘sati’ as it is known by Buddhas, as crucial for health and as one of the 8 factors of the path to enlightenment, for finding true peace, clarity and liberation from suffering.

Rather a lot of pressure hey?

It makes me believe that my ‘presentness’ isn’t valid.

Especially when I am with another person and my mind has gone off somewhere else, I think I have done them an injustice (I will go into this more in my relationship dynamics posts in the next couple of weeks)

What I have learnt, that has really put my mind to rest in these scenarios is that… we have 2 kinds of presence and they are both good for different reasons.

Flow state versus meta-awareness 

The presence where I am fully immersed, unaware of myself and in what would seem like a trance or subconscious state is what is known in psychology as the ‘Flow state’ (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990) or ‘Experiential Presence’. You only know that you have experienced it, once you have come out of it

I always get a pride and satisfaction when I notice that I have been in flow. Partially because of all the positive associations that being in flow have with achieving (my hyper-achiever is happy) and also because I think that I have finally managed to quieten my judgemental brain for a bit.

The second is being present but in a state of observation, meta-awareness.

In my self-judgement/saboteur mindset, I saw the meta-awareness as less ‘good’ or less ‘worthy’ because my mind was still consciously leading the way. However, interestingly, philosophers know meta-awareness as the ‘authentic presence’ as it was coined by Heidegger (1927) and it is actually this kind of presence that the Buddhas seek to have ‘Mindful presence’.

Ok, so when and where is each one best

Conscious Presence

Self awareness, noticing your feelings, decision making, noticing unhelpful thought patterns, empathy for others, being considerate, active listening, connecting to purpose and reflecting on beauty of the world.

Unconscious Presence (Flow)

In sports, music, art, or skilled work it can improve efficiency and performance. To tap into creativity, imagination and dreaming. For automatic skills, muscle memory, stress reduction and most importantly uninterrupted enjoyment without your saboteurs.

I suppose then, we want to find a balance of both. DON’T PANIC… there is somewhere you can start….

Give this Lil Moment a go.

The More you practice conscious awareness, where you acknowledge your feelings and allow them to come, you notice your saboteurs and you tell them to move on, the more you will experience moments of subconscious presence! It may seem counter intuitive at first but trust me, the more you do it, the more space you create for your brain to work without the involvement of your saboteurs, hence flow!

I’d love to hear what you think about this and how you are feeling? Comment below!