Let’s start with a Lil update!
I have just moved into a funky little flat in Camden with two great friends of mine for my second year of university. My room is covered in blue and red fabric and all sorts of homemade bits and bobs (sneak peak at the end of this post, for all my fellow keen DIYers)- London is busy right now and the university campus is lively with new students and their parents, sniffing out their way around, ready for the start of their new career. I chatted with a young first year yesterday who was upset in the cafe with her mum- told her that I was scared too but that “this too shall pass”- (a reminder to you that kindness is free and it makes you feel great too!) - It is the start of autumn and I have tucked into my jumper collection.
Now, I have been excited about this time for a while, but all of a sudden, I am here, living it and despite it all sounding tickedy poo ( or is it tickedy boo?) I have looming sense of dread. Why? - because it is the start of something and so there is pressure!
Some more context…
Yesterday I went on a stroll with a flat mate, a very ambitious and creative one- i must add, and we were talking about the coming term- what intentions are we setting, what do we want to achieve- we were energetic and passionate and bouncing ideas, we felt light and excitable and full of ambition.
And then he asked me…. But what about now? Where do we start? And suddenly there was a change in tone, a drop in energy, ‘a loss of flow’- some might call it.
Another Lil Example…
I was listening to Mel Robbins’ podcast this morning - The Let them theory- an episode about waking up and saying to yourself these specific things- press for the link.
One of them was “I am starting something big today” - unlike the other affirmations she suggested, this one didn’t leave me feeling empowered, it actually filled me with dread! WHY, you might ask?
Well I wasn’t sure either but I untangled it with him and this is what I discovered:
I am sure you have noticed this before yourself and if not, you might resonate as I spell it out: The future, goals and ideas are all very exciting and fun, we can fantasise and romanticise for hours on end but when it comes down to action- we can automatically lose hope. Reality kicks in and things don’t ever end up being as rosie and simple as we dream them to be.
But as he explained this to me, he spoke about it as if it were a pattern that he had himself, that he was stuck in and bound by. He explained to me that the only way he ever moved forwards was with discipline to counteract this discomfort of doing the difficult and that it is only that which would separate him from the rest and help him accomplish big things.
Feel the same way? I don’t blame you, I often do too!
It seems that the action and the reality that comes with it is always far uglier than I want it to be, I get it. And we grow up being taught that life is difficult and to get through it we must graft hard, so it makes sense that we think this way.
(Now, when a friend speaks to me about something they feel stuck about or tangle in thought about- I naturally address it with my Three step Lil Leaps theory - some of them even tell me I am “lil-leapsing” them- after they have thanked me for the shift they have experienced, of course!)
But In this case- it was for him AND for me… and likely for you too!
We started with understanding- AWARENESS- I highlighted to him how disempowering his description sounded.
Then we discussed how it actually feel rather scary to be in this position- COMPASSION- I know I feel frightened when I have been getting excited about something and then suddenly I am hit by reality- I fear that maybe I am not able enough to work through it or that ‘the odds could be against me’…
So we gave each other a healthy dose of COMPASSION- nothing patronising, but we knowledge each other’s difficult feelings and even found comfort in the fact we weren’t the only ones who felt that way.
But the third, and best step of all- of course- we got to EMPOWEREMENT. And this is what created the real shift:
Firstly, I suggested that there was a great deal of power that can come from seeing our creativity and passion as meant to ebb and flow. Finding peace with the fact that regardless of external conditions, or because of, our ideas and energy will come and go, that this is natural and not something to feel threatened by.
BECAUSE- when remove fear, when we make peace with this rationally- (takes practice and constant reminders to self)- then we are more likely to feel confident of our ability to make and do and be. We build resilience, not only to our internal dips in passion but to external influences too.
This shift in perspective is so effective and it is a simple ‘story change’. (This concept does agree with Mel!)
The second part to the story that needs changing is…
“Life is hard and I can only use will power to push through it”
YES, LIFE DOES HAVE MANY CHALLENGES But NO, IT DOESN’T JUST REQUIRE WILLPOWER AND GRIT
Actually: when we feel empowered and we do with confidence, our work and our fulfilment and sense of achievement is far greater- I have said it over and over, because it is true.
In this case: We change the story about the challenge… it is not something we need to drag ourselves through but an opportunity to learn from and experience with curiosity. Changing the way we speak about challenges to ourselves and to other, can change how they appear to us.
So rather than “I have to push through reality” we can say “I get to uncover the truths about my dreams and attempt the hurdles”
Then we are able to move through them with more confidence and in turn more success.
And now for the prize for reading through this post.. a giggle at my room decor- i am proud of it because its very me but it must be said- i can’t see it on the cover of Vogue Living
Speak soon xx
