Yesterday, I had a meeting with my friend about a the UCL Change-Makers funding programme which we have been working on for a while together. The aim of the meeting was to further establish some of the complex details of the service we were going to provide but the outcome of the meeting was something quite different…

He said to me, “Lils, honestly, I don’t feel like this is worth my time at the moment- I want to be fully focused on my own project”.

No one likes to be let down! I find it particularly difficult as it triggers the part of me that wants to be able to control others and is uncomfortable with change out of my hands.

Lily a year ago would have flipped her shit, Lily a few months ago would have gone into a major slump for a few days. Because Hyper-achiever Lily can’t bear to have wasted so much time on a project that goes straight out the window. Over-thinker Lily is screaming that it is because “your ideas aren’t as good as you think”, “it is about time you realised it was a silly idea” etc

Instead, Lil yesterday stopped for a second and noticed how she felt, she was aware of the hyper-achiever in her being uncomfortable, she allowed herself to feel disappointed that afternoon. And then Lil yesterday chose find a reason to be empowered by this.

After AWARENESS AND COMPASSION, I managed to see the reasons why this scenario was working for me!

Lil a year ago would have rolled her eyes at this and said- “stop trying to turn everything into a positive, just be realistic”

But really, that would be my Lil Lurker speaking, and I know now that that is simply my voice of fear. A fear that seeks evidence to prove that “I can’t achieve success.”

That this fear is totally unhelpful- it isn’t keeping me safe - as fears are inherently meant to do, no this fear is getting in my way.

I can chose to prove this fear wrong. I can show it all the evidence that “I can achieve success”.

And in this case, it was as simple as re-framing this change in tack.

I was able to see value in my friend’s dedication to his own project- a reminder to be consistent on my own goals. I chose to see it as a helpful “one less thing to think about”. I used it as inspiration to focus on the things that matter to me….

I have come out with an encouraging drive to refine my why and how for my Lil Brand, challenge the fears that are keeping a ‘back door’ open for my eating disorder and to hone in on who and what I let write my story….me.

Look! This choice I have made to notice, comfort and prove wrong my hyper-achiever- has given me reason to feel powerful.

I chose and so can you!

A LIL CHALLENGE : get a pen and paper, your journal or a page on your notes (now or in bed tonight) and write down three moments that your hyper-achiever has tried to pull you down this week. Then three pieces of evidence that prove it wrong.

Ask me if you need some help- I really want to hear from you! [email protected]

Love from Lil xx