I think life fits into boxes

I was taken aback when mum said to me this morning- “try to notice when your thinking is determining how you feel too much” after I explained to her how I had been struggling to feel relaxed and joyful recently.

It is truly shocking that after all this work, all my tips and tricks, I can still be sneaked up on by my over-thinker but it proves how much of a mighty devil it is. Yet its work can be as simple as trapping me in thoughts, in rights and wrongs, in best options and in problem loops.

There is one particular avenue that my Over-thinker has taken me down this week that I’d like to look into with you…

I call it ‘boxed thinking’ and it is a common symptom for those of us who have over-active minds. As we desperately try to make sense of all the judgements and thoughts going on in our minds, we try to organise them into distinguishable boxes. Then to keep things neat and tidy, we fill our boxes with ideas and evidence that reinforce them.

The problem is that we are therefore squeezing circles into squares, cutting off important pieces of information and manipulating truths so that they fit our rigid categories. We are editing complex, multifaceted and ever-changing truths into permanent, right or wrong theories.

Here is a Lil example for you: I am living in studying in London, which I chose to do to in order to start living an independent and big girl life asap. Recently however, I have been feeling more and more like I am missing out on something, that others my age are in tight-nit friendship groups that I should but don’t have, I have started putting more and more evidence into a box that says “University = THE time to make a friend group”.

Then, the reassurance that I give myself is: I knew going into it that I would feel more myself in an environment where I can be particularly autonomous and spend time with those who I really want to, another box “ I = someone who likes to have independence = I will have individual friends = meaningful and right for me”.

With help from my mum, I realised how the boxes I had made had me ping-ponging in my mind between two false absolute truths.

Then I looked at all the truths that don’t fit into this box that I was missing- all the parts I had cut off! : People make friends throughout their lives - it is not confined to uni ⁃ I have meaningful friends who I only spend time with around others ⁃ I have many individual, cool, caring friends that aren’t in a group ⁃ MY reason for university in London was so that I could challenge myself in new ways whilst respecting my boundaries ⁃ I have no idea what all the perfect group friendships I am putting into my uni box are like from the inside - friendships take time and are best when nurtured in all environments.

The more realistic view on all this…. (note I don’t say it’s the truth) - my personality, relationships and life are far more complex and forever have the opportunity to develop and adapt. The only thing that makes these boxes feel real is my making of them.

So what helped me shift? A) seeing that I was Box thinking- even if i needed a nudge B) acknowledging the truths that I was cutting off buy squeezing the circle into the box C) practicing experiencing- using Lil moments and awareness Tips and Tricks (like from previous posts)

A Lil help sheet-

Print off these Lil sheets, or scribble on them on your iPad… visualising them helps make them seem all the more ridiculous and therefore easier to escape.

As you write about one, I am sure that you have noticed all sorts of other boxes that tie into or link up with the first… thank you over-thinker, although it forces neat boxes- it also uses them to form one big complicated webbed network with them.

HOWEVER! like anything, if we look at each box individually, we see how they are no where near as intimidating as they present themselves as, because frankly, they are a whole load of rubbish.

A LIL CHALLENGE- and it is kind of magic"! This week, focus on one or two boxes that you actively catch yourself putting evidence into, as you do, you may still think that the evidence belongs in the box, that is ok- just notice it. Over the week, you will naturally find that some things stay inside and others begin to push their way out, or resist their way in… you don’t have to do anything to make this happen, it just will!

PLEASEEE let me know how you get on, I love receiving comments, Dms and emails from you, it helps me tailor my weekly posts and feel less lonely in all the thoughts!

I also really appreciate you spreading the word, supporting my Tik Tok and Instagram and helping me help more people!

Love from Lil xxxx