The ‘Superiority Complex’
If you are an over-thinker who takes pride in always wanting to know the why behind the what, loves to solve the problems and thinks on every thought… you may or may not have been accused of or accused yourself of having a superiority complex, I know I have!
The term seems derogatory and frankly so do most label.
So to start, I want to scrap that term altogether. We need to begin with compassion … might seem hard right now but I want you to consider how this ‘superiority complex’ really makes you feel.
I read a Substack post about ‘intellectual loneliness’ which empathised with those who feel they are in the minority as ‘real thinkers’. People who feel lonely because very few they meet use quite the same depth of thought and attention that they do. Over-thinking makes us feel lonely… the narrative that there aren’t many people in the world who think so much as us and who are so concerned about life… doesn’t feel very inclusive and friendly.
A Lil bit about me
During my time at school and until recently, I have felt very uncomfortable in a feeling of separation from my peers that I believed was down to my complex thinking. In fact, I resented myself for being such a deep thinker. It meant that I got on better with my teachers than the kids my age and although I acted as if it was all part of being more mature and grown up than the others, it was really because I felt that me and my crazy brain couldn’t possibly be understood.
Let me let you into a Lil secret
Its a whole load of BS
“Actually, there is no such thing as a superiority complex. People who seem to have one are actually suffering from feelings of inferiority; their ‘superior’ self is a fiction, a cover‑up, to hide from themselves and others their deep‑down feelings of inferiority and insecurity.”
Do you ever feel
Like a plastic bag…
No,
like you must be the only person in the world who thinks the way you do.
That no one could possibly understand the depth and breadth of worry that goes on in your head.
That the tangles you get yourself into must be unique.
The number of thoughts that lead to thoughts that lead to thoughts can’t be normal.
(Although I hope that to a certain extent, Lil leaps has reassured you that you aren’t the ONLY one) amongst the majority of your friends and family I’m sure you do still feel like an odd one out.
So please
Let’s agree to stop using that term to disguise how we really feel. Whether you know it and acknowledge it already or not, what you are experiencing is fear. It’s fear that not only causes your mind to go into overdrive but it is also what is making you think you are the only one.
Instead let’s feel good
Acknowledge- be conscious, make it clear to yourself that your fears can’t fool you. You know that they are about and trying to make you feel a certain way, that’s ok, but you won’t let them do it behind you back.
Compassion- this is how we make space for change.
Empower- our thinking is fabulous! It isn’t superior or inferior, neither feel good- the comparison is a waste of time. It is something that you can leverage, make good use of and feel pleased about.
Acknowledge | Compassion | Empower- Take Lil Leaps |
|---|---|---|
When you start to feel lonely or stuck in thought that can’t be shared. | Next step is compassion | How magical is it when you do let people in and they feel the same way? |
If it gets overwhelming… Give yourself a second- Go to the loo, to your room or to a space where you are ACTUALLY alone. Feel your feet on the floor and rub your hands together. This is a form of ‘grounding’ that will remind you that you are alive and ok. | Wrap your arms around yourself or clasp your hands together, you might like to sway gently side to side or even just imagine yourself giving yourself a hug. | Make use of the posts, Lil Tips and contacts- that is what this community is for… it is proof that we aren’t alone. Read, listen, write in, DM me, email me, I am here for you and me! |
Now you can say outloud, in your head or write down on paper: “I see that you are feeling alone, I sense that you are scared that you can’t be understood” | Then say or write: “This is a feeling, it will pass, It is totally allowed and I am here to hold you through it” This can feel a Lil silly but it’s so soothing and can really shift how you feel. | Starting with a Lil humour can help- Open up gently to people, have a laugh about how tangled your thoughts get… you would be surprised how many others have similar ways. |
AND STOP WITH THE LABELS OF SUPERIOR OR INFERIOR! | Write a list of all the brilliant things your mind does create for you: - great empathy - insightfulness - curiosity - deep connections |
Here, you can send a comment to the post or email me:
Love from Lil x
