“My problems aren’t THAT bad”

And has hearing them ever made you feel better? Or do you…

• Feel guilty for ‘being ungrateful’?

• Feel depressed about the state of the world?

• Feel sorry for others and their situations?

• Feel you ought to be or feel better?

• Beat yourself up?

Whyyyyyyyy?

Our emotions are responsive in the same way as they were when we were younger and having tantrums. Believe it or not, the ONLY way to get a child to stop screaming is by comforting them. Hint hint, nudge nudge, it’s still the same for your emotions now. The best way to get out of the grips of a feeling is by showing yourself that it is ok to feel as you do, despite your feelings and the reason for your feelings, you deserve to feel and you deserve to be comforted.

This is soooo difficult when your mind is busy screaming at you to pull yourself together, to stop making a fuss about the little things or to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Us over-thinkers have this problem ten-fold.

DID YOU KNOW?

There is a study proving that the same emotion can be felt with the same intensity in different people, even if triggered by vastly different situations, which highlights the truth that no one’s feelings are inherently “less valid” than another’s. (Barrett, L. F. 2006)

Without a question, I acknowledge that I am a very privileged person and I haven’t experienced anywhere near the same trauma and hardship that many have suffered in the world. However, I simply bring light to the fact that in order to get out of a place of struggle/emotionally driven pain, focusing on why you shouldn’t be feeling that way won’t bring about the change you want. It is not only ineffective, it is counter-effective.

Why it extra-doesn’t work…

You have heard me say it before, “you can’t fight fire with fire”. Beating the screaming child just makes it scream more.

So how do I get out of the judgement in my head… how do I stop ‘beating the child’

Firstly, a Lil Help sheet, give it a go…

Now A Lil Moment- for those who hate meditating but need some help connecting to compassion.

Acknowledging feelings:

The next level of acknowledging feelings is using words to explicitly state the feelings that have been triggered and then jot down on paper preferably, - “What it is that happened externally that triggered this internally”…

Notice and write down judgements you are having about these feelings and their triggers and write them on the side in a different colour.

This is one of the most commonly used psychological tools for bringing light to feelings- have you ever considered you might be feeling remorse or submission? Or maybe you have and in fact your mind just makes it all too complicated to know what you are really feeling because you are too busy judging whether your should be feeling it or not! Try my Lil Moment if you are still in a mind scramble.

REFERENCE:

Barrett, L. F. (2006). "Solving the Emotion Paradox: Categorization and the Experience of Emotion." Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(1), 20–46.

Now what are you thinking? Send me a comment, let’s untangle your mind! Reply to this newsletter, the button bellow will take you to the chat!

There are more Lil Helps and other simple life changing insights in past posts on my website, have a look….